By Erin Oglesby P’31 and Emily Diep P’30 PEC Co-Chairs
The October PFA Monthly Gathering brought Punahou families together for a thoughtful and engaging conversation on what it truly means to navigate the middle school years. Chaplain Hayashi opened the lunch with the Serenity Prayer, a fitting reflection for families navigating the middle school years – a reminder to find peace in what we cannot control, courage to guide and support our children through these transformative times, and wisdom to know when to step back and let them grow. Assistant Principal Dr. Chase Mitsuda warmly welcomed everyone and set the tone for a lunch of reflection, laughter, and practical insight. He then introduced the three class deans, who each shared valuable perspectives on how parents and educators can work together to help students build confidence, learn from mistakes, and develop self-advocacy skills that will serve them well beyond middle school.
Rianne Graves-Grantham (Dean of the Class of 2031) introduced this year’s guiding theme: ʻAuamo Kuleana – to carry responsibility with purpose. She encouraged families to help children practice academic self-advocacy by identifying their needs and communicating directly with teachers. Parents can support this by reviewing Canvas together weekly and celebrating when their child takes initiative. Dean G-G also emphasized behavioral and emotional self-advocacy, suggesting parents teach assertiveness and role-play conversations to help children prepare for real situations. Celebrating small wins, she noted, reinforces confidence and independence.
Erin Regua (Dean of the Class of 2032) spoke about how middle schoolers grow through mistakes. She outlined a healthy process: be honest, take responsibility, apologize, and reflect on how to handle similar situations differently next time. Parents can guide this process by helping their child recognize what went wrong and how to move forward. Her key message: mistakes do not define your child – what matters is their ability to learn and grow. Focus on progress, not perfection.
Kip Kuhn (Dean of the Class of 2030) discussed what supportive parenting looks like in middle school. He advised setting clear boundaries around technology, friendships, homework, and sleep. Homework, he suggested, is best done in shared spaces with minimal distractions. Knowing your child’s friends and their families, and ensuring your child gets adequate rest, are also essential. Dean Kuhn emphasized responding instead of reacting—listening with empathy, curiosity, and patience. He encouraged parents to be present in small moments, provide space for independence, and allow time away from screens. His personal story about navigating a tricky text exchange with his daughter served as a reminder that even he is still practicing these skills.
Dr. Chase Mitsuda (Assistant Principal) reminded families that parenting through middle school is a journey. He coined the term “surthriving” – a blend of surviving and thriving – beautifully capturing the reality of parenting through the middle school years. It’s about finding balance in the chaos: showing up for our children while also giving ourselves grace. Parenting at this stage means navigating challenges, growth spurts (emotional and otherwise), and ever-changing dynamics, all while celebrating the small victories that remind us we’re doing more than just getting by – we’re growing right alongside our kids. Dr. Mitsuda shared photos from a recent trip the 8th graders took to Camp Erdman and a child’s shirt that said “I am doing a new thing.” This is what all of our children are doing, every day, and we need to be there with empathy and patience.
The Teacher Talk concluded with audience questions and the reminder that not every moment with our children is a teachable moment. Growth and learning move in all directions – forward, backward, outward, and inward – and the journey is rarely linear. Adolescence can feel both normal and unusual simultaneously, yet we are all navigating this journey together.
Please save the date for the next PFA Monthly Gathering, Friday, November 7 at 11:30 a.m.